Long Distance Friendships

REALationship.com Expert Christine Fife

How do you stay friends with someone when you aren't close enough to grab a pizza or go to the movies?

In ninth grade my closest friend was Page. The summer after ninth grade Page moved to another state. We both cried like babies and promised to be best friends forever. By the time I started eleventh grade I couldn’t even remember what state she had moved to. So much for the best-friends-forever commitment.

Seven years ago I met Tracy through a mutual friend. A couple months after we met, I coincidentally moved into an apartment a block away from her. We hung out a lot and became great friends. Five years ago Tracy moved to LA. Since then she has bought a house near Huntington, changed jobs a couple times, had a boyfriend or two and we’ve gone on vacation together to the Caribbean, Thailand and Eastern Europe. We IM occasionally and email one another at least every other week. And we never even promised to be best friends.

Is it just easier to stay in touch with some people and not others? Or is it easier to stay in touch now that online and mobile communication has evolved? Or is it that as we get older, we are more inclined to stay in touch with people that we enjoy than to let those friendships just disappear?

The answer is probably a little of everything. It certainly is much easier to stay in touch with people with so many forms of electronic communication. With so many cell phone plans that include long distance and free email and instant messenger tools it doesn’t have to be expensive to find out how friends are doing.

And as we get older, we develop a stronger understanding of the types of people we want to share our time and experiences with. As a kid, the most important thing is to have friends that are fun and like to do activities that you like to do. As you get older, you’re hoping that those friends also become good listeners, advice givers, and people you can confide in. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes you’ll need to look for new friends that can fulfill those needs. And that’s ok.

Some things to remember when you want to stay in touch with friends that don’t live next door anymore:

1)      Whether you are the one moving away or your friend is make sure you have the contact information: phone number, cell phone, email address, address, etc. It might also be a good idea to write down their parents address and phone number as their parents may be less likely to move in the near future—if you loose track of your friend, you can contact their parents.

2)      If you aren’t already members of an online social network and virtual community, consider joining one that you always keep updated with your current email address. There are tons of these: MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, PageMile, etc.

3)      You have to make an effort. Staying in touch with people doesn’t just happen. You have to take the time to keep them updated on your life and to inquire what is happening in their’s. If it makes it easier, keep track of birthdays and anniversaries and be sure to send a card or call. Send cards at holiday times. Don’t wait for them to contact you—they’re probably busy as well. If you suddenly think of your friend, maybe your favorite song from fifth grade comes on the radio or you meet someone with the same name as your friend and it makes you think of them, call them right away. Don’t let the moment to touch base pass you by.

4)      Finally, don’t be hard on yourself if you loose touch. Staying connected with someone that lives in the same town is hard, so staying in touch with someone who lives thousands of miles away is truly tough. Our lives can get very busy and you can’t always devote as much time as you’d like to everything you’d like. But friends are important so do what you can to stay connected.

-By Christine Fife