Is my Relationship Getting Better or Just Bad?

Q: Nancy (from anonymous):

If you are feeling love for someone and it feels bad or painful (although in your heart you know it’s the right thing for yourself for the development of your being), how do you know you are progressing into the good? How do you know “work” is getting done?

A: REALationship.com Expert Team:

Dear Nancy, the answer is two-fold. First of all, how you know work is getting done is that the situation either becomes more of what you want or that you are happier and more at peace regardless of the situation.

The second answer is more complicated. On the one hand, we have a culture of people who want to feel good all the time, and run from pain and hard emotional work. On the other hand, we have a subset of people who believe that emotional work and relationships are only valid and worth having if there is pain. The reality of life is that not all pain is necessary, and that if you do indeed want to grow in a relationship or in a relational dimension, you don't necessarily need to be in pain and it does not necessarily need to be hard all of the time.

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